From the Vestal Virgins of Rome, to the Hester Prynnes of Colonial times, to the Sarah Flukes of today, a double standard has existed for women and men.
Men are praised for their sexual abilities, and they are seen as natural, and even unavoidable. “It’s just what boys do.” For women it is quite the opposite. We are told to push our sexual feelings down, that they make us dirty or damaged. Women are told to ignore our natural tendencies, and that sex is not for mutual enjoyment, but for the benefit of a man and for the continuation of our gene pool. But anyone who’s ever seen “When Harry Met Sally” knows that isn’t quite true.
Women who actively and vocally enjoy sex are ostracized. They corrupt men, tear apart families, and give their own families a bad name. They are temptresses, sluts, and whores. They are used goods.
Or at least that’s the way we’re told to think about sex. Obviously it was Monica Lewinsky’s fault that Bill Clinton strayed from his wife. Rielle Hunter was publicly disgraced as a home-wrecker regardless of that fact that it was John Edwards who made the conscious decision to cheat on his wife. Though Edwards did lose many things once the affair became public knowledge, including his wife of nearly 33 years, it was Hunter who was socially prosecuted. Regardless of her character, people will never see Hunter as anything but promiscuous. Her relationship with Edwards will never be respected, despite that fact that she claims they are in love.
In April of 2010 Hunter gave her first full interview to GQ magazine. The interview was personal and candid, as Hunter wanted it to be “her words, unfiltered and unspun.” The interviewer was respectful of Hunter, but even in this setting Hunter was displayed only as a sex symbol. All the pictures were of Hunter in oversized dress shirts, lying in bed, and with tousled hair. Some would call it sex hair. Hunter has been pushed into the inescapable role of a “bad girl.”
And the ones policing this role are other girls. We are creating an impossible line for ourselves between prude and slut. If you’re a virgin after a certain age it’s embarrassing and pathetic. If you have sex frequently with multiple people you’re a whore. We need to stop defining each other by the sex we do or don’t have.
If only “bad girls” like sex, then it is okay to ostracize other girls for having it. It becomes okay for Rush Limbaugh to call a woman who admits she has sex a slut. If only “bad girls” like sex then it becomes not okay to talk openly about it or to ask about contraception. It becomes shameful to admit that you are a victim of rape. 54 percent of rapes/sexual abuses never get reported to the police according to a National Crime Victimization Survey performed by the Justice Department.
If only “bad girls” like sex then victims of rape can be blamed for their own abuse, because they “seduced” their rapists. Only 12 percent of rapes lead to an arrest and only 5 percent lead to a felony conviction according to Uniform Crime Reports from the FBI from 2006 to 2010 and studies performed by the Justice Department respectively.
But consensual sex is natural, not just for men but for women too. According to “Women’s Health Magazine,” sex has been known to relieve stress, can regulate periods, and create an increase of estrogen, which can protect from Alzheimer’s and osteoporosis, as well as act as a pain relief from things such as menstrual cramps and arthritis. Sex has also been known to help strengthen one’s immune system, improve sleep, and increase self esteem. It’s ironic that the exact thing that increases self esteem is that same thing that people use against girls to lower it.
This view that sex is unnatural for women is only propagated by the media. A genre of books like, “Porn for Women”, “Porn for New Moms” and “Hot Guys with Baby Animals” has recently surfaced. Porn for New Moms is a series of pictures of men doing things like cleaning and changing diapers. This serves to underline the fact that women don’t actually want sex or real porn, they just want the man in their life to do chores for them. It also makes it seem as though these things are out of the ordinary for men and the only motivation for doing them is sex.
“Hot Guys with Baby Animals” is exactly what it sounds like: mostly shirtless men posing with various baby animals. The photos seem to aim at women’s maternal emotions, trying to attract them with images of men’s sweet, sensitive sides. While the book is cute, it’s not sexy. This may seem like a minor bone to pick, but it psychologically reduces women’s sexuality to just their baby making abilities. The book is visually saying that women are most attracted to men for their emotional qualities, a factor most take into account when looking for a boyfriend or husband.
By anchoring these qualities desired in a long term relationship with a book meant to trigger sexual attraction, the result seems to say that women are only attracted to those who they would become serious with. While many women do look forward to the emotional connection that frequently comes along with a sexual relationship, it has a minor role in sexual attraction. Women don’t have to be committed to someone to be attracted to them, and to connect the two just reinstates the unfair standard set for women. We’re supposed to be in a loving, committed relationship before engaging in sexual activities, regardless of the sexual history of our partners.
While I appreciate the humor these various books and websites are marketed under, is it worth the underlying gender roles they clearly display?
Another disturbing new development has surfaced in the form of erotic novels. While one would think this would help how society views women’s sexuality it only serves to undermine it.
The erotic novel aimed at women, “Fifty Shades of Grey,” while encouraging women to openly explore their sexuality, has a far more sinister effect. The book, which was first written as “Twilight” fan fiction, follows a young college student, Anastasia Steele, through her sexual relationship with a wealthy man, Christian Grey. Grey first gets Steele to agree to sign a contract which gives him complete control of her life. Grey becomes dominant of both Steele’s personal life and her sex life, leaving her to play a submissive, weak role. The story continues for two more books, in which Steele leaves Grey only to find she is unable to function without him, returns to him, and then becomes obsessively jealous about all the women he’d been with before her.
Why are women rejoicing about a book like this? The plot is dark and twisted, and celebrates the controlling of women. The thought that a woman with endless options would ever sign away her life is appalling, as is a man who wants nothing more than to govern the every move of a woman. This book is not a call for open acceptance, but rather praise for the lack of independence that continuously shackles women into a role of inferiority.
There is an immediate necessity for a universal understanding of female sexuality. The ignorance that exists about women and sex continues to surround our gender in a way that prevents us from enjoying what comes most natural to our bodies. A lack of an accepted sexual outlet continues to hinder our self esteem, personal acceptance, and confidence. Society needs to come to terms with women’s sexuality and stop holding them to a double standard.
